Have I Told You Lately?

It was a common occurrence when she was little. We'd be riding in the car, my mother and I in the front seat and 3 year old Brianna in her car-seat in the back. Mom and I having a conversation in the front seat when:

Brianna: Mimi
Mom and I continue to talk.
Brianna: Mimi
Mom and I continue.
Brianna (a little louder): Mimi
Mom: What, Brianna?
Brianna: I love you
Mom: I love you too, Brianna.

Mom and I would continue our conversation, and about two minutes later:

Brianna: Aunt Mandi
Mom and I continue to talk.
Brianna: Aunt Mandi
Mom and I continue.
Brianna (a little louder): Aunt Mandi
Me: What, Brianna?
Brianna: I love you
Me: I love you too, Brianna.

Somewhere along the way, this scenario stopped, but every time I see her, she still runs up to me with a hug (and sometimes a kiss) saying “Aunt Mandi! I love you.”

When we were children, we said what we felt, with no inhibition. At least in my case, there was no shortage of “I love you”s in my life. There was no social code saying it was not appropriate. Sometime around puberty, things seemed to change. It was no longer cool to tell your dad you love him or kiss your mom goodnight. Those three words became a phrase reserved for that “special someone” in your life – and that person didn't always stay after those words were said. Many times they were used inappropriately and became the catalyst for disaster.

So we grow up thinking the only love that exists is that between two people who are romantically involved. We believe the only people appropriate to hear those words from us are those with whom we are in a romantic relationship – and our children because they need to be taught love. And many of us who are not in married, engaged, or dating relationships may go days, weeks, months, even years without hearing the words, “I love you.” Some people go so long without hearing those words that they begin to think something is wrong with them – that they are unlovable or that they don't deserve to be loved.

I'm lucky enough that I still have plenty of people in my life who will say the words. My parents and grandparents still tell me they love me each time I see them. My nieces tell me they love me frequently, and I tell them the same. I'm also lucky enough to have some awesome friends who share “I love you”s with me.

There are others in my life that I love deeply. It's not romantic love, but true love. A love which I cannot explain except to say, I love because Christ first loved me. And sometimes this love fills up so much inside of me that I feel I have to let it out regardless of societal norms. Yet, there are many whom I haven't told how I feel. I'm not sure why I haven't. Maybe I'm afraid they won't understand or will think I'm a freak because I say it. But maybe, just maybe, they need to know that they are loved, that they deserve to be loved.

So I want to take a chance and say the words that may be uncool. If I haven't told you lately, I love you. And if I tell you again soon, please don't think I'm a freak, just know that I'm full of love and I need you to know not only that I love you, but that you deserve to be loved!

Open the Door

In 2001, the United Methodist Church began a national television campaign, running commercials during the Easter, Christmas, and Back to School periods of the year. These commercials branded the United Methodist Church with the slogan “Open Hearts, Open Minds, Open Doors.” This year, the church is beginning a new campaign known as 10,000 doors. This weekend, many churches from around the state decorated doors and sent them to annual conference.

Doors have many functions. They allow people to come in or go out. They can be opened, closed, or even locked.

Thursday night, when Ginger brought me the programs for this morning, she knocked on my door and announced “It's Ginger!” I went and opened the door and stood at the door to talk to her. Because I am not the best housekeeper and was embarrassed to let her see my house, I did not invite her in. The theme verse for this year's annual conference is Revelations 3:20, God says, “Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him, and will dine with him, and he with Me.” I'm afraid too often we try the same tactic with God that I tried with Ginger. We may crack the door or even open it and let God see the living room, but we don't want to invite him in to the mess of our lives. We are embarrassed and ashamed, and what's more, we are comfortable in our mess. We are afraid God will say, “This place is a pigsty, I can't stay here,” but that's not what God promises. He stands at the door and knocks. When we open the door, he comes in and eats with us and joins us in our everyday messy lives. Sure, he'll eventually help us out and pick up some of the trash that's on the floor, because he knows it's not good for us and we don't really like it there, and mostly just because He loves you and He really just wants to be with you. So the first and most important function of the door of your life is to allow Jesus in.

In addition to allowing Jesus in our lives, we as the church have to be willing to allow others in. We can't be an exclusive club that doesn't let anyone else join. Are we really willing to let ANYONE come in the door of our church. Sure we may open the door and let them come worship with us, much like I let Ginger see my living room, but are we willing to let them become a part and get involved in our everyday lives with us? Sometimes we don't want to let others in because we don't want them to see what our lives really look like. The outside is pretty and we look like we have everything all together, so it is okay for them to come to worship and see us there, but we don't want to let them involved in our everyday stuff. The inside is a mess and we don't want anyone getting to know us because they may find out that we are messy people, not the “perfect Christians” we try to pretend to be.
Jesus tells a parable that demonstrates another reason we may not want to let people into our lives—or our church.

"There was a man who had two sons.
12 The younger one said to his father, 'Father, give me my share of the estate.' So he divided his property between them.
13 "Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living.
14 After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need.
15 So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs.
16 He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.
17 "When he came to his senses, he said, 'How many of my father's hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death!
18 I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you.
19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.'
20 So he got up and went to his father. "But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
21 "The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. '
22 "But the father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet.
23 Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate.
24 For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate.
25 "Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing.
26 So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on.
27 'Your brother has come,' he replied, 'and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.'
28 "The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him.
29 But he answered his father, 'Look! All these years I've been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends.
30 But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!'
31 " 'My son,' the father said, 'you are always with me, and everything I have is yours.
32 But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' " (Luk 15:11-32 NIV)

Just before telling this story, the Pharisees were complaining about the type of people Jesus received, welcomed and even ate with. Jesus was accepting sinners for who they are and the Pharisees didn't like it. The older brother in this story came home from working in the fields and about the time he got to the door he heard a party going on. When he found out this party was for his brother, he did not approve. He was angry and when asked, he let his dad know. His brother didn't deserve this after what he had done. It wasn't fair, he had never gotten to have a party with his friends and he done everything he was supposed to do. Sometimes grace doesn't seem fair. We are not always happy when others are receiving grace and we aren't. Sometimes we think “I do what I'm supposed to and I come to church every Sunday, I deserve grace, but her...well, I know where she was last night.” We get angry when we try do do right and others receive grace rather than getting what we think they deserve. We have the same response as the older brother said, “If he's in there, I'm not going in.” Or worse, we ask, “What is he doing at my church?” It's not YOUR church, it's GOD'S church, and he'll welcome WHOSOEVER will come and ANYONE who will open the door. John 14:2 says “In my Father's house are many rooms...” There is enough room for everyone.

There is only on door to the kingdom of God. Jesus said in John 10:9, “I AM the door,” and in John 14:6 “I am the way, the truth, and the life, no one comes to the Father except through me.” There is only one door to the kingdom and that's Jesus, but there are many doors to the church. Each of you is a door. You have to open up and let people in so they can see Jesus and walk through THE door to the kingdom.

Doors aren't just for going in; they are also for going out. We cannot sit her all comfortable in our pews and say, “well, if someone wants to come visit, we'll open the door.” That's not what Jesus told us to do. The last time Jesus saw his disciples, he gave them directions to “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, (Mat 28:19 RSV)” You have to go out of the doors of the church and tell people about Christ and invite them to come meet him. Invite them into your life—even if it's messy—let them see you and what Jesus has done for you. GO OUT and shout to the world that Jesus loves them.

Finally, I was reading on the conference web page about the doors that were brought to annual conference. More than 150 doors were brought to Annual Conference symbolizing various churches and how they were welcoming newcomers in and going out into the world. Two pastors
volunteered to put the doors on stands. They quickly ran out of wood and turned to connecting doors with hinges so two doors held up each other. What an awesome example of how we should be as Christians. We can't do it on our own, we must help each other out and hold each other up. Together, we can welcome even “the least of these” and in doing so, welcome Christ into our lives.

Visions of Church

During a required teacher's in-service today, the speaker made a joke that we, the audience, were staying with him pretty good. "It's like I'm a Baptist preacher and it's 12:30" he said, implying that he was boring, but we were trying to listen. He stated that there are a few places that you sit quietly facing forward including church and presentations. He also commented that we knew we weren't at church, therefore didn't bring our Bibles and have them opened.

Church - a place where you go sing boring old songs and try to stay awake while you sit still facing the preacher (a man who may or may not be wearing a costume) who talks about all the things you do wrong and why you are going to hell if you don't get saved/do the right things/go to church (all three of which sometimes seem to be synonymous). Oh yeah, and it usually starts around 10 or 11 on Sunday morning and better not go past 12 or people will be angry because the neighboring church people are getting all the cheese dip at the Mexican restaurant.

How close am I? Did I forget to mention the part after church where you go out to eat and talk about what everyone was wearing and/or what you (and other's in the church including the preacher, his wife, and/or kids) did on Saturday night -- the very things that were probably part of the sermon things you do wrong and you would have known that had you been awake?

This seems to be church for a lot of people. And if it's not quite accurate, it is at least the perception some people have of church. While church has been a place where 'Christians' gathered and sat to listen to the preacher for years, I'm not convinced this is what church should look like.

What if church was a 'place' you wanted to be, not somewhere you felt obligated to be? What if when you went to church, you sat facing each other, or you didn't sit at all because you were doing something for others? What if church was really a place where you felt like you could be yourself and not have to fake behaviors or emotions? What if during church, you didn't just listen to the preacher, but participated in a discussion?

I have a "vision" of sorts of church as a group of people participating in service ministry (cooking for homeless, packaging stuff for hurricane victims or soldiers, writing cards to homebound, etc.) and discussing the sermon of the day. I recall a conversation during a recent Bible Study group (details sketchy and may not be completely accurate, but point is the same): one member shared that her sons worked in restaurants and cooked on Sundays therefore didn't go to church. She also mentioned that they volunteered at the local soup kitchen. Our pastor mentioned why couldn't that cooking be part of worship.

I shared this with a few coworkers this week and each time I wonder, "could this be church? would it 'work'?" I don't know if it can or will. I know it won't without the Spirit of God guiding it, but neither will the way we do church now.

What do you think church should look like?

Costumes

I never was much on Halloween. I guess I liked it okay when I was little, but just for the candy. I don't really remember enjoying “dressing up” or wearing costumes. I know, strange to be talking about Halloween in March. Let me explain:

I attended the memorial service of a friend/coworker Monday night. Because such things are never fun, I went with several friends from work. The service was beautiful, but surprisingly (to me) formal. The speakers at the service were the Sr. Pastor, two associate pastors, and the youth minister. The three ordained ministers wore white robes.

At the end of the service, I looked up to see one of my friends (who is unfamiliar with Methodist traditions) rubbing her hands together. I gathered from the look on her face she had a profound question—well a question anyway, and one she was dying to ask. “What?” I asked. “Why did the one guy not get to wear a costume?” I giggled a bit and attempted to explain that he didn't get a 'costume' because he wasn't an ordained minister, which she understood, but still thought he should go buy himself a costume.

This conversation reminded me of another conversation that had taken place recently. It seems a local pastor's wife had found herself in the unfortunate situation of being caught “fraternizing with another man.” After a brief discussion of the fairness of preachers and their wives being held to higher standards (a topic for another day), the conversation led to the inevitable statement that churches are full of hypocrites.

Typically, the word hypocrite is thought of as someone who pretends to have morals, and beliefs but their actions contradict stated beliefs. Hypocrite comes from the Greek meaning a stage actor. Someone playing a part—pretending to be something they are not. And yes, the church, and the world, is full of people who pretend to be something they are not. However, I don't think it's always intentional—yes sometimes, maybe many times, it is, but not always. Some people don't know who they are—they want to be all things to all people. Some people rather than hypocrites, are chameleons. It's not that they are trying to be something they aren't, they just take on the characteristics and actions of those around them so as to blend in. Others, are trying to be true to who they are, but find themselves pressured to put on a mask in certain situations.
Debbie, from my experiences, was one person who was not a hypocrite. She was true to herself and her God and was the same no matter where she was or who she was around. This was obvious from the attendance at her service on Monday night—and the amount of laughter at a shared experience about a voice mail. In addition to being true to herself, Debbie did not judge others for being themselves. She was friends with a great number of people from many backgrounds and lifestyles. She accepted people for who they were—without question. For that, she was loved.

As I look at my life, I hope I can be more like Debbie. I don't want to live as a hypocrite—intentionally or not. I want to take off whatever costumes I might be wearing and be myself in all places around all people. I want to honor Christ by letting the world see me as I become the person he created me to be.

And on that note, I wonder what my readers think (both of you). Should preachers/ministers wear “costumes”, or should they dress in the same manner as their congregation?

WAKE UP!!

I was informed last week that I haven't written a blog in over a month (actually, it's been 2). And since only one person reads my blog anyway, what does it matter huh? I guess it matters to her, and honestly, it matters to me a little too. I want to write more, just never find the time to do it, or topic to write about.

But today is Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent. I recieved an email through my seminary email about the Asbury Lent/Easter reader and asked them to send me one. In reading today's reading and watching the little video (www.asburyreader.com), I learned that "Lent is a fire alarm, a wake up call, a closer brush with the death that leads to life." It is designed to interrupt our normal patterns of daily life in a way to allow us to focus on the sacrifice Christ made for us.

I have a diagnosis of narcolepsy--a sleep disorder characterized by "excessive daytime sleepiness." This week has been an especially sleepy one for me (probably would help if I'd work on getting my bedtime earlier again). Today, I had the thought that I really want to wake up! I'm tired of being tired. One characteristic of narcolepsy is the ability to go on "autopilot" and still do routine activities even though in sleeplike states. I miss things when I'm sleepy (as evidenced by the stack of reports I turned in with corrections today).

Too often, I go on autopilot in my spiritual life too. I get into a routine and I miss stuff. I miss out on things God is trying to tell me through nature, through people/events around me, through his Word, or through that still small voice. I don't want to miss God. I need to WAKE UP! Lent is designed to get Christian's off autopilot and out of their sleeplike state by breaking routines--doing something different--getting to know God better and seeing what He has to say to us.

It is common to hear people talk of fasting or "what they are giving up for Lent." Fasting is meant to be a way to deny ourselves things of the world in order to identify with Christ's suffering and develop an appetite for God.

In addition to (or instead of) "giving up" something for Lent, Christians may add something to thier daily routine that will enhance their spiritual life. This is one reason I requested the Lent/Easter reader. I have thought and considered various things I might "give up" this year for Lent. Typically, I say I'm giving up something and I don't do very well keeping it. Hopefully, with this blog, I will stay accountable by letting you know the progress--and what I am learning.

So, my plan for Lent this year (for the next 40 days, not counting Sundays as they are "little easters"):

1) to give up dessert -- I like my dessert, especially at NMRC cafeteria, but this is something I think I can do
2) to fast during lunch on Fridays -- i would like to get to where I can fast 24 hours at a time, but I am not sure I will be able to do that yet. I am going to try to start small so I don't get frustrated. And fasting lunch will be difficult for me--missing the social time will be as difficult if not moreso than missing the food.
3) to read the Asbury reader every day -- you can too, if you'd like to read online www.asburyreader.com
4) to read the daily Bible readings our church is reading at least 3 days a week--I really should do this everyday, but I'm shooting for at least 3 days a week.
5) to blog at least once a week and let you in cyberworld know what I'm learning.

WoW that's a lot!! Especially along with the class I'm taking this semester. I look at it now and think I can't do all of that! If I don't, I won't beat myself up about it, but I'm gonna try, and I trust that I will see God!!

Fictional Account of Luke 2:22-40

Mary bundled up the precious child. Today they would journey to Jerusalem to the temple. It was time for Jesus, her first born son to be dedicated. Since the first Passover, so many years ago, God has required the first born son of Jewish families to be redeemed, dedicated to him as a reminder of how he saved them from slavery in Egypt. Since they were a poor family, Mary would take two doves to be sacrificed. One for the dedication of the baby and the other for her own purification.

As they walked along, Mary carried the little one who slept in her arms. He was just five weeks old, yet she couldn't imagine her life without him. She thought about all the events of the last year: her time with Elizabeth, returning to Nazareth, her family's reactions, Joseph's reaction, the decree from Caesar, the journey to Bethlehem, the birth, the shepherd's visit, and the last month with her baby boy. So much had happened, she was not the same young woman who received the promise of an angel just a year ago. She had no idea what would happen in their lives as the baby grew up, but she knew Yahweh would continue to watch over them and protect him. She had doubts in her own abilities as a mother, but she trusted His father to lead her in the direction she should go.

There was a man in Jerusalem named Simeon. Simeon was a righteous and devout man. He observed the law of the Lord with caution and care. Simeon eagerly waited for the promised Messiah to come and rescue Israel. The Holy Spirit was upon him and had promised Simeon that he would not die until he had seen the Messiah. This morning, the Spirit led Simeon to the temple. He wasn't sure why, but somehow, Simeon knew today was a special day. Could it be that today was the day he would see the Lord? In the temple courts, Simeon looked up and knew. That young couple, that baby, here was the Messiah. The Lord's promise was fulfilled that very moment in a tiny infant.

Before they could even get into the temple, Simeon came up to the new family. “Do you mind?” he asked, reaching for the baby. Mary gently handed him baby Jesus. The baby raised his head and looked around. Simeon began to praise God saying "Sovereign Lord, as you have promised, you now dismiss your servant in peace. For my eyes have seen your salvation, which you have prepared in the sight of all people, a light for revelation to the Gentiles and for glory to your people Israel.” Mary and Joseph looked at each other. It was amazing what this man was saying about their son. It was obvious to the couple that he knew who he was holding. He was proclaiming the very things Mary had been treasuring in her heart. Simeon handed the baby back to his parents and blessed them. Then turning to Mary, he said of the child, “This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be spoken against, so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your own soul too.” What did this mean? Yes, she knew Jesus was to be the ruler of Israel, but what was a sign that will be spoken against? And what did he mean a sword will pierce her soul?

She didn't have long to ponder the questions, they would have to wait. Soon after Simeon finished talking, Anna walked over. Anna had been just a young woman when her husband died 84 years earlier. She was devastated and didn't know where to turn, so she went to the temple to fast and pray. Soon she began to serve others and discovered the joy of serving God. She found her comfort in the temple. By this time, a crowd had gathered around the small family. Anna turned to the people who had looked forward to the redemption of Jerusalem for such a long time. She began to talk of the child in front of them.

Soon, the people dispersed and the couple took their child to the priest and fulfilled the requirements of the law. As they returned to their home town of Nazareth in Galilee, Mary and Joseph talked of the things they had heard today. They discussed what Simeon may have meant and all the things Anna said. Mostly they adored the baby boy and talked about how he had changed their life and all the lives he would change. Truly she was blessed among women.

Battle of the Will

One of the best parts of my job is assisting with therapeutic horseback riding. While I know a little about horses, I don't even begin to consider myself a "horse person." My job during therapeutic riding usually deals with keeping clients in one place and encouraging communication.

This morning, as we were preparing for clients to arrive at the arena, one horse was being particularly obstinant. Our volunteer was working him in the round pin (again I don't pretend to be a horse person and have no clue exactly what she was doing except making him run around in circles.) Periodically, the horse would decide he was going to stop or turn around and go the other way. When he did this, the volunteer would make a particular movement and he would turn back the way she wanted him to be going. Brian, the social worker who helps, was sitting at the table watching. He commented "He thinks he's going to do it his way and she is not going to let him." Life lesson?

Tonight, I attended a Beth Moore Bible Study (Jesus the One and Only) session. Tonight's lesson was on Luke 22:39-46. Jesus time of prayer in the Garden was a similar battle of will. The will of His flesh wanted to turn and run the other way. He begged for God to "let this cup to pass over me," but the Son of God said "No, whatever you require of me, I will do."

Here's the cool part of the whole story. Just before we had the conversation about the strong willed horse, Brian asked if I had done anything else with that "internet thing." (That would be applying to Seminary.) He also said he had two papers to write for admission to graduate school, but he seemed to be procrastinating--possibly a subliminal message that he didn't want to do it. My quick response was "Maybe it's not about what Brian wants." Yeah, I turned it all around on Brian, in reality, I was probably saying "Maybe it's not about what Mandi wants."

Teach me to follow. Not my will but Yours.