Getting to Know Me

Getting to know me

There's a scene in the movie, “The Runaway Bride” where Ike the reporter confronts Maggie, the bride who keeps running from commitment. Ike has been trying to find out why Maggie runs every time she gets to the alter. After observing Maggie and questioning her grooms, he confronts her with the following conversation.

IKE (cont'd)
-- Tell me something, do you really care about Mount Everest?

MAGGIE
It's fun! It's high.

IKE
Or the sexual habits of locusts?

MAGGIE
That was very interesting research George was doing!

IKE
What kind of Dead Head gets a temporary tattoo?

MAGGIE
I already explained about that.

IKE
And where you ever really going to run the leper colony in Molokai?

MAGGIE
(wincing)Brian told you that?

IKE
Or maybe you just wanted to wear the headdress.

MAGGIE
Every one of those times I was being supportive. Something you won't understand.

IKE
Supportive? You weren't being supportive. You were being scared.
Just like now. You are the most lost woman I have ever laid eyes on.

MAGGIE
Lost!

IKE
That's right. You're so lost you don't even know how you like your eggs.

MAGGIE
What!?

IKE
With the priest, you liked them scrambled. With the Dead Head, fried. With the bug guy, poached. Now it's egg whites only, thank you very much.

MAGGIE
That's called changing your mind.

IKE
No, that's called not having a mind of your own.

I don't know how Maggie got lost. Did she know herself at one time and lose her identity somewhere along the way? Or did she never take the opportunity to figure out who she really was? Whatever the case, she couldn't be truly happy and couldn't make a commitment to anyone else until she discovered her own identity – and how she liked her eggs.

Sometimes, I feel a little like Maggie. I know how I like my eggs (scrambled – done but not too hard, with salt and pepper, and not made with powder like those at work), but I'm not sure I know much else about myself. My preferred method of dealing with conflict in my life is avoidance. In order to avoid conflict, I tend to allow others to make decisions – where to eat, what to watch on television, what to do, small things, and large things. I like to think I'm just trying to make other people happy, which in some ways is true. However in the process of avoiding conflict and making others happy, I fear I've lost touch with my own ideas and opinions.

I have recently downloaded a horoscope application on my blackberry. I don't really believe what they have to say, but I think they are fun to read. Today, my horoscope said 2010 will offer opportunities for re-inventing myself. I don't know about re-inventing, but I'm hoping to rediscover myself. I want to try new things, various foods, watch different television shows – figure out what I like and what I don't. I think I'll try to keep up with me this time – and maybe I'll share some of what I find with the internet world.